Trivia

I shouted at him in full public view- one evening in crowded Nariman Point in front of Nirmal Building......

He called me up and invited me to Singapore in a tone, that only true well wishers can use......

Thank You God for these small acts which bring back Faith....

All in a Row

Why do all Gains and Losses happen together in a row...
For example sometime back I faced personal problems, health issues, professional flak all together.....
And now Suddenly - he , she, they -come back and say "sorry", my doc says- FO don't waste my time, u r fit-not as a fiddle , but quite doable, and then my Boss writes appreicative emails.....

Waiting for the next churn of events...wat will it be this time

Afterthought

Everyone makes mistakes...but only few have the courage to accept them and move on...........

When Dreams don't come true

No am not a pessimist- years of tough situations, good friends , interacting with people and absorbing new ideas and different viewpoints have programmed me into always looking at brighter side of things, trying to minimise losses wherever possible and move on.....
So today when somebody asks me this- "what do you do when dreams don't come true" my answer is ready- " I wake up!!!"
Broken promises, failures, health pressures, truamatic personal situations- these are all events afterall...and one can't influence events...one can definitely influence thoughts and ideas of oneself if not anybody else....
Yes it hurts to be betrayed, yes it hurts to be cheated, taken for a ride , to be victimised etc.....Fight on, don't lose the battle, don't die everyday......
You owe this to you...........

For U

There is only one person in this world who
manages to ruffle me really bad....
manages to make me cry within minutes....
manages to make me feel guilty, angry, upset..........
Am forever clutching at straws...
making excuses....
shying away....
Trying to Hide....
under the scrutiny of this one person
Many times I give vent to anger and frustation by shouting back...
Saying hurtful things...
Being alternately indignant and sarcastic...
Many times have I wished I did not get so defensive
Many times have I tried to be prepared with smart repartees....
But all comes to ZERO....
Cos She is the only one who loves me more than I love myself....and every act of hers is meant only to make me better and better...
And she is also the only one in the world who knows when i have been crying and try to mask the same while talking........
Thank U Maa.....
I can never be good enough but I will always Try........

My Saree Fixation

I saw a play- "kanyadaan"- which is a English Translation of the original marathi version by the talented and outspoken -late lamented playright-Vijay Tendulkar....And then I also saw Sarkar Raj, the one thing common in these two extrmely diverse Art reprensations was the portrayal of a typical Marathi Household- something that I have not come across too often in my real life transactions- And what caught my eye and my interest was the beautiful Mahashtrian Handloom Sarees worn by the female protaganists in each of the above mentioned play and movie respectively. In the former a very graceful and understated Lilette Dubey adorned pastel cottons, thus lending her own grace to the sarees, in the latter a otherwise tacky dresser- Tannisha gets transformed in a beautiful portrayal of a Maharashtrian Housewife clad in lovely rich silks- Narayan Peths, Paithanis etc...
And since then I have a craving to own a few of these beautiful saree forms . In my native Bengal -Sarees still retain their pride and glory and the variety available is just mind boggling- Bengal has contributed some very classic Saree forms- Kantha, Baluchari, Taant, Tangail, Dhakai, Jamdaani- the list is endless
Anyway coming back to my craving , which is gaining epic proportions by the day.......
I asked a few people -about the right places to pick up good bargains-The answers were varied-
Pune
A village near Shirdi
Khadi Bhandar
Kalaniketan
Dadar

Out of all this the most constant and feasible option seemed to be Dadar...So then after much waiting tomorrow am going to go and choose, haggle , negotiate and buy a few of these sarees

And hopefully by Monday my temporary insanity will be over and I will not scare cab drivers by saying " I want to go to NarayanPeth" instead of saying" Nariman Point"

For M....

This must be for Better....We don't know yet....but am convinced the daylight will be bright and full of warmth...

Just don't lose hope and don't stop believing in yourself....

I try to give you strength and you give me mine...

Hope is beautiful....

Alone @ Office

Time -6.45pm

Place -A high rise in Nariman Point- the Business District of Mumbai

Am in my Cabin watching the rain outside- and the raging sea.....

Am waiting to send a Offer Letter to a Candidate- am sure the candidate is waiting too with equal or more impatience somewhere in Bengaluru...

I was chatting with a Friend- told him I have learnt to make noises like a cat and

dog..... Of course he has stopped reacting to my statements long ago.....

My Bro and Bhabhi are waiting at home, they will leave for UK by Sunday...and I will

be all alone again....

I did not choose this Life, it chose me.....I have chosen very few things in Life.....

Free Fall can be useful sometimes

The rains have stopped now, the Offer letter is yet to leave my inbox

Life Improvement Program

Am on a "Life improvement Program" just like one has "Performance Improvement Program" that organizations frequently dole out to their hapless employees....
I have given myself three months for the same...I will utlise these three months to take care of myself, try to assimilate different thought processes, enhance the quality of my life in terms or learnings, transactions, uselfulness etc.
I will also improve my health and nutrition and fitness levels- this is a investment for future that I need to do as soon as possible
I will not dwell on the past, not wallow in self pity, not give up, not be lazy .............

The challenge is to be strong enough to weather the storm raging around me currently...I need all my strength around me and all my courage.....

I have reached a Nadir, now its time to rise up.....

Some meaningful Things

Some Friends make me feel special.....Like she called me up to share her big news with me...
Or he staying back for the weekend at my behest
And another driving the Car to my house - driving 30 kms or more on a sunday
Or she coming all the way to Bandra to meet me...
You win some u lose some...
I have lost a lot...but some of these relationships formed out of nothing make life somewhat meaningful...

A heart that hurts

He to her:

" I Love you- Do you think I am Lying"

" You fight a lot"

" Your No-Nos irritate me"

" You put a Holier-Than-Thou Attitude"

" I want to be intimate with you-but you don't let me"

" On second thoughts I don't want to get into any entanglements later "

" You don't mince words when you are angry- I am scared of your temper"

" Better stay away.....Too much trouble "

She to Him

" Hey you forgot something - I have a Heart that hurts........

The So-Called Alpha Females

Once upon a time not so long ago- I used to feel proud to be called a Alpha Female.Not any more cos lot of unexpected events made me realise -that fancy names and jargons doesn't mean a thing-Handsome is what handsome does.

I strongly feel Character is what one does when no-one is looking......And the Few alpha females I know or thought I know-sadly turned out to be different versions of Gold-Diggers- Who cry "Wolf"-when their self interests get hampered- and their self interests are motivated by pure material haves and have-nots. One guy- friend, who seems to be a checklist match for loads of girls( thank God he has got married now and will cease to be of any interest to any of these girls)-his equation with many of these women, and the consequences made me learn a lot of things-

All of these women sooner or later would start crying from the rooftop about how mean and cruel and disgusting a person he is- Interestingly this happens when each of them have tried and failed to get into a relationship with him. They have not been crying "wolf " when they see him rejecting someone else's charms. The "truth" and "Realisation" dawns on them only when he rejects them. Nothing wrong in that- except maybe one needs to accept responsbility for one's actions as well- and agree and say"ah well I thought he looks good on paper, and I thought things could work out between us , so I gave him lot of leeway, but he was too smart for me", instead of saying nasty cruel things about him and him alone.

Funny thing is each of them have expected me to stand by them and support them cos I happen to be one female buddy of the guy- and since I have always believed a little too much in my conservative teachings of the nuns- have always reprimanded him- though going by logic alone- it has never been any of my business.....

I wonder if they had a close guy friend- who was in a similar situation with other girls- would they have ever risked their friendships to speak out what they thought was ethically right......

The Scapegoat

Met up a friend after a long time- and some of the old stories came back to my mind.
It amazes me how even the most courageous of people choose to clutch at straws when it comes to facing some bitter truths. This friend had been at the recieving end of some unfair and unfavourable gossip by people whom she trusted and who were close to her......Unfortunately there are wheels within wheels and one close person is linked to another close person and taking them to task means standing to risk a very valuable relationship- So quietly an outsider who knew each of them in a restricted capacity was made the scapegoat -and no one was hurt-except tht the concerned person was made a nice little scapegoat uneccesarily and before she knew what hit her she had been nailed and crucified .............
I sometimes wonder if life is always so strange for everyone in all parts of the world?

Random thoughts

I realised- what I really find intolerable in people in the inability to have sound judgement in oneself- that is being unable to decide whom to trust and whom not to.....
You owe it to yourself and to others who trust you to be able to come up as a person of strong insight....

You are on your own

Yet another molestation incident-in a city that is considered safe-http://www.hindustantimes.com/storypage/storypage.aspx?id=143f3514-8801-42cb-88ea-0cca28a32d5d&MatchID1=4626&TeamID1=1&TeamID2=6&MatchType1=1&SeriesID1=1165&MatchID2=4618&TeamID3=3&TeamID4=4&MatchType2=1&SeriesID2=1163&PrimaryID=4626&Headline=Mob+molests+2+women+on+New+Year%e2%80%99s+Day

Everyday when I step out of my house to take a public transport to office I say a silent prayer for my safety and for the safety my friends ...Am not scared of bomb blasts-the idea of being blown to pieces because some people somewhere in the world want to spread terror is not my idea of death...... But that is not what scares me or for that any woman travelling alone (I am daring to speak on behalf of all women like me)-what scares them is the acts of perversion, acts of brutality, display of male brawn power, lust and violence done so blatantly under the cover of crowd . Talk to women -from age 12- 60 and they will have more than once incident of such experiences to narrate-and what makes it worse is the callousness of people all around and the tendency of society of blaming the woman of "inviting lecherous attention by her inappropriate dressing"!!!! I wonder what do people mean when they state the above- Are women fond of being groped by mobs, Do they want men staring down their anatomy, is it a pleasant thing to be jostled in crowds and above all does a woman want to be raped....

Dressing is a personal choice- there is a whole lot of paramaters that gets factored in when one makes a choice of dress...why bring morality into the picture and try to justify brutal, violent , cruel acts. In fact I think rape is the only crime in the world where the victim is made to feel guilty- They are ostracised, made fun of, criticised, everything from their appearance to their "character" becomes a topic of discussion and sometimes of amusement for everyone.....

I don't even want to go into what happens in courtrooms.....

Bottomline- If you are a woman your safety is your own responsbility and here I am not talking about following traffic rules. If you become a target of mob vandalism- it makes good headline news, lot of media flutter and attention, sparks a lot of debates , sometimes also becomes a political issue -but you as a person do not get any social support to tide you through the trauma, you do not get the legal support to ensure that the perpetrators get their due , you also do not get the comfort of knowing that your experience is used as a learning to prevent other such incidents by adequate measures....You are pretty much on your own...The groping, jeering, staring just never stops