When Dreams don't come true

No am not a pessimist- years of tough situations, good friends , interacting with people and absorbing new ideas and different viewpoints have programmed me into always looking at brighter side of things, trying to minimise losses wherever possible and move on.....
So today when somebody asks me this- "what do you do when dreams don't come true" my answer is ready- " I wake up!!!"
Broken promises, failures, health pressures, truamatic personal situations- these are all events afterall...and one can't influence events...one can definitely influence thoughts and ideas of oneself if not anybody else....
Yes it hurts to be betrayed, yes it hurts to be cheated, taken for a ride , to be victimised etc.....Fight on, don't lose the battle, don't die everyday......
You owe this to you...........

For U

There is only one person in this world who
manages to ruffle me really bad....
manages to make me cry within minutes....
manages to make me feel guilty, angry, upset..........
Am forever clutching at straws...
making excuses....
shying away....
Trying to Hide....
under the scrutiny of this one person
Many times I give vent to anger and frustation by shouting back...
Saying hurtful things...
Being alternately indignant and sarcastic...
Many times have I wished I did not get so defensive
Many times have I tried to be prepared with smart repartees....
But all comes to ZERO....
Cos She is the only one who loves me more than I love myself....and every act of hers is meant only to make me better and better...
And she is also the only one in the world who knows when i have been crying and try to mask the same while talking........
Thank U Maa.....
I can never be good enough but I will always Try........

My Saree Fixation

I saw a play- "kanyadaan"- which is a English Translation of the original marathi version by the talented and outspoken -late lamented playright-Vijay Tendulkar....And then I also saw Sarkar Raj, the one thing common in these two extrmely diverse Art reprensations was the portrayal of a typical Marathi Household- something that I have not come across too often in my real life transactions- And what caught my eye and my interest was the beautiful Mahashtrian Handloom Sarees worn by the female protaganists in each of the above mentioned play and movie respectively. In the former a very graceful and understated Lilette Dubey adorned pastel cottons, thus lending her own grace to the sarees, in the latter a otherwise tacky dresser- Tannisha gets transformed in a beautiful portrayal of a Maharashtrian Housewife clad in lovely rich silks- Narayan Peths, Paithanis etc...
And since then I have a craving to own a few of these beautiful saree forms . In my native Bengal -Sarees still retain their pride and glory and the variety available is just mind boggling- Bengal has contributed some very classic Saree forms- Kantha, Baluchari, Taant, Tangail, Dhakai, Jamdaani- the list is endless
Anyway coming back to my craving , which is gaining epic proportions by the day.......
I asked a few people -about the right places to pick up good bargains-The answers were varied-
Pune
A village near Shirdi
Khadi Bhandar
Kalaniketan
Dadar

Out of all this the most constant and feasible option seemed to be Dadar...So then after much waiting tomorrow am going to go and choose, haggle , negotiate and buy a few of these sarees

And hopefully by Monday my temporary insanity will be over and I will not scare cab drivers by saying " I want to go to NarayanPeth" instead of saying" Nariman Point"

For M....

This must be for Better....We don't know yet....but am convinced the daylight will be bright and full of warmth...

Just don't lose hope and don't stop believing in yourself....

I try to give you strength and you give me mine...

Hope is beautiful....

Alone @ Office

Time -6.45pm

Place -A high rise in Nariman Point- the Business District of Mumbai

Am in my Cabin watching the rain outside- and the raging sea.....

Am waiting to send a Offer Letter to a Candidate- am sure the candidate is waiting too with equal or more impatience somewhere in Bengaluru...

I was chatting with a Friend- told him I have learnt to make noises like a cat and

dog..... Of course he has stopped reacting to my statements long ago.....

My Bro and Bhabhi are waiting at home, they will leave for UK by Sunday...and I will

be all alone again....

I did not choose this Life, it chose me.....I have chosen very few things in Life.....

Free Fall can be useful sometimes

The rains have stopped now, the Offer letter is yet to leave my inbox

Life Improvement Program

Am on a "Life improvement Program" just like one has "Performance Improvement Program" that organizations frequently dole out to their hapless employees....
I have given myself three months for the same...I will utlise these three months to take care of myself, try to assimilate different thought processes, enhance the quality of my life in terms or learnings, transactions, uselfulness etc.
I will also improve my health and nutrition and fitness levels- this is a investment for future that I need to do as soon as possible
I will not dwell on the past, not wallow in self pity, not give up, not be lazy .............

The challenge is to be strong enough to weather the storm raging around me currently...I need all my strength around me and all my courage.....

I have reached a Nadir, now its time to rise up.....

Some meaningful Things

Some Friends make me feel special.....Like she called me up to share her big news with me...
Or he staying back for the weekend at my behest
And another driving the Car to my house - driving 30 kms or more on a sunday
Or she coming all the way to Bandra to meet me...
You win some u lose some...
I have lost a lot...but some of these relationships formed out of nothing make life somewhat meaningful...